HOOKERY POST PART TWO

[was_no_monster]

[BECAUSE THE OLD ONE GOT TOO BIG FOR ME TO LOAD g-good god]

Comments

[was_no_monster]

...

I saw myself in the mirror.

[miraculost]

Haha, is it that strange to see yourself without the stitches?

[was_no_monster]

...Shouldn't it be?

[miraculost]

[pauses, blinks]

... Well, any change to how one is used to seeing oneself is naturally disorienting, but...

[was_no_monster]

Hmm.

[thinking about that for a moment, before murmuring mostly to himself]

I assumed I looked fairly different, but I can't really tell...

[miraculost]

...

You can't?

[was_no_monster]

[starting to get the feeling that maybe he shouldn't have shared this, but too late now]

...No. I don't... I don't have anything to compare it with.

[miraculost]

[it makes sense, suddenly. the blank face Kaito drew for himself comes immediately to mind. he should have guessed.]

All this time, you haven't been able to recognize your own face...?

[was_no_monster]

...

It wasn't mine.

[miraculost]

... Damn it. I should have realized sooner.

[was_no_monster]

...Father...?

[miraculost]

The way you drew yourself... I might have guessed.

It's probably part of the same problem that makes it difficult to judge your strength.

[was_no_monster]

[problem? he'd thought it was only natural, considering what he was. who wouldn't get sick, looking at that?]

I thought that was because parts of me still need to heal.

[miraculost]

Yes... mostly your nervous system. Of which your brain is a part.

Now that I think about it, it would only make sense. If your brain simply hasn't established a strong connection to your body, then...

[he pauses.]

Kaito, I apologize if I'm out of line in asking this... but, could you bring out that picture of you and Miku?

[was_no_monster]

[wincing. he can tell where this is going, and he doesn't like it, doesn't want to look at it. but Father asked, so...]

I... all right.

[it doesn't take him long to bring the picture back, cradling it gently with the glass pressed to his chest. he only holds it out reluctantly]

[miraculost]

Thank you...

[with the utmost care - easier in some ways, his hands no longer susceptible to the slight waver created by heartbeat and breath - he removes the picture and unfolds it.

he looks back and forth himself between the photograph and Kaito before at last handing it back to him.]

You really don't look so different, after all.

1/2

[was_no_monster]

[he accepts the picture back, gingerly, but doesn't look at it right away. there's a delicacy to the paper that he can feel, now; it's almost tempting to imagine what it would feel like if he simply crumpled it up, or how the ragged edge would feel if he tore off the offending half. these new hands of his have enough deftness to them that he knows he could finally do that without ruining it— if he wanted.

instead, he steels himself, and then looks.

and it's with a shock that he realizes his father is right. the hair is longer than his is now, but it's the same color, and so are the eyes. those are the same cheekbones he spent so long studying in the bathroom mirror, the same nose, the same set to the mouth and jaw. the only real difference is—

...the stitches.]

[was_no_monster]

[they're black and ugly against the mismatched skin, a jagged reminder, and suddenly what was almost familiar is no longer familiar at all.

it isn't the same.

he doesn't want that, doesn't want to be it. it isn't him.

he stares at it, revulsion building, until the old sickness is too much to bear. abruptly, he shifts his grip on the photograph, hands on either side of the fold, and pulls. it rips cleanly, neatly in half.]

[miraculost]

[oh.

oh, no.

it was too much after all.]

Kaito...

[was_no_monster]

[thrusting the crumpled half at him, wordlessly, and then shoving past him to go to his room]

[miraculost]

[clutches it awkwardly to his chest]

... I'm sorry...

[was_no_monster]

[he can't even bring himself to reply.


it's an hour or so later before Kaito finally leaves his room to hunt Len down again]

[miraculost]

[Len is... not doing much of anything when Kaito finds him. he's dangling a bit of string for Eve, but his heart clearly isn't in it.]

[was_no_monster]

[he still doesn't say anything, just blinks at him with slightly red eyes and then sits down to curl up against Len's side]

[miraculost]

[drapes one arm loosely over Kaito, not saying anything either]